let’s say shut up together now- no, wait
we can’t you don’t talk to me anymore
and i,
well i am here
but also
i am late,
or
it is very wrong all these colors they fixed themselves to bad idea’s
and the lines went “ugh”
because this is what they do
when your eyes go missing from the yanking
and the poor sewing on both of them
make for poor eyes
and all that
not seeing
when there is all that
“gotta-go” never-staying/ disappearing
and
the lack of thread in the stitching
in my head
it’s all complex really and not at all like you make me look
like a weakened asshole
striped
tearful
and over-ripe
like i was a charity case
did i miss something
maybe
you murmured my name and that i was a liar
under a moon that might have been
might have been
should have been
was not
an “ours”
so
what
i bet
you say
still it doesn’t matter what or who won
or who wins
when the glass hits the concrete
and
it’s puddle-milk, love
dear
betrayer arthritic heart-destroyer
faith-slayer
user
but instead
you hold your silly phone too expensive for you to use
over-seas,
or
if anyone else is having any
emergencies
up to me
under the lights
so i can see one more ONE MORE of your lovers
who sends you a thing
shitty
saying
“oh i knew him and he does this to everybody”
a musician, he is, with a girlfriend
whom i do not know
but i am quick and i say
“if it is just you and i , who is this man, what does he care
and
how should he know”
whatwith it being “our” night under a moon
and
to know
how far and how hard you kicked my guts in
with your lovers slither
his betrayal a girlfriend in another room
and you
single or so you said
showing me something, like,
here, HERE, here is YOUR TEST
and
did i pass
because
i knew right then you would never know me
for all that kicking
and fuss
i did
to make a you seem loud enough
to entertain some kind of “us”
and
this asshole in the trendy burrough
with a view of where i live
has his eye on you
and
i was barely even home having rushed like a marathon runner
being chased by a swarm of bee’s
for that moment
to hold your hand
without fear
openly
on any street we chose
in the last days of that seasons summer breeze
and you
you made it into a cross-hatched cussing bag
and
with your careless already made plans
you shoved your heel right in
right into my lungs
til my breath went
and
any kind of breathing even now
just feels bad
just feels cold
just feels shit
and me
i am just a broken ride in the park you like to think about
when your real crush goes to study
and you are bored
alone, after dark
now
i wish i could take myself and be a film
and place you before the screen
hand you a remote
and
like a whisper in a devils mouth upon your shoulder
and you
in a moment of weakness
tell you
press off
turn it off
so i could fade into the static
and
this fucking body you wrecked and fought for not a second
could just stop
and
every fucking star in the endless void of blackening hopeless sky’
writ large once
even did i smirk myself smitten under
for a you
for a fear of losing hope
and
my faith, my charity
just a drawn bag
empty
basket
case
me,
that i could
should
would disappear
and stop blinking
like those stars
fuck them
because
you killed everything i had left
and
i hope you’re happy now
i hope you’re happy now
and
draw that
go and fucking draw that
i
am
not
worth
a
single
line
so
fuckit
fuckme
fuckthis
and no,
you will not “catch me” webbed
justaswell
spiderbite you sting
pity the pitiful sucker
wrapped in silk
all by himself
foolish like a saturday soda on a white wooden plank
gone, leaving just a thirst
and a ring
for
what?
for nothing
so lets say “shut up” together now, no wait
listen
dead
silence
dead
silence
then
dead
silence
then
sleep
~Ryan Adams
